every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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