Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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