If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
