you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
