nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
