am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
