We named our party play list daddy issues
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
