maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
