Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
