i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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