Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
