Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
it's like heaven, but drunker
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
This is my gift to your gina
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
