oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
