Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
