you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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