you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
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