Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
A bitchslap is in order.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
