at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
