yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize