I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
