haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
zippers are such a cool invention
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize