Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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