I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
