As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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