Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
