Umm I'm too high to move.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
