What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
