dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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