I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
