good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
