on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
