If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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