im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
