I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
