My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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