My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize
