Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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