I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize