Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Randomize
