Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
