he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
