No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
