At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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