I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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