my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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