best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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