First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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