I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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