Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Holy shit dude........stairs
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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