I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
