dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
