when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize