I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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