shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
So much rum. So many feels.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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