Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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