I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
