I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
