and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
