I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
