You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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