its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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