i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Randomize
