he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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