If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
