you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
