batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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