I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Randomize
